


Give your heart a break

by katychan666



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Breaking Up & Making Up, Emotional Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Kinda?, Light Angst, M/M, Making Up, Malec, angsty fluff, i guess, if that makes sense?, kiss and make up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-08-30 15:16:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8538013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katychan666/pseuds/katychan666
Summary: After a huge fight, involving the immortality thing and Alec's jealousy over Magnus' past relationships, the two of them break up. The break up took a huge toll on both of them and one day Alec finally picks up enough courage to apologise to Magnus, in hope that the other is going to accept his apology.





	

Dark thoughts crept into the warlock's mind and that wasn't the first time that it happened. Lately, he had being thinking about ending it all, he just felt too tired. He had lived for centuries and he was tired of life itself. One might say that immortality is a blessing, but to him it was a curse and if he wasn’t such a coward, he would make sure that he would make an end to his immortality. It was the mortality itself that made his last relationship crumble apart; he and Alec had broken up a few months earlier and the warlock found himself wandering in the darkness, completely alone. His last attempt to allow himself to love someone and be loved in return, failed and it hurt more than ever.

Alexander was special, he wasn’t like the other people that Magnus had met throughout his many years of living. Magnus knew it far too well that something like his immortality was going to come in a way of his and Alec’s relationship by one point, but when it finally happened, the warlock didn’t know what to do. He knew that Alec was afraid, Magnus was terrified as well and he really tried to make every day count; he never took anything for granted and that was why he hated fighting with the Shadowhunter. Magnus knew that Alec tried to push those feelings away, he tried to ignore that it bothered him. He tried not to show how much it hurt knowing that he was going to die one day and Magnus would be left alone, broken. Alec wasn’t his first love and probably not his last one, but to Magnus, Alec had a special place in his heart, that was never going to be replaced. By anyone. However, that didn’t seem enough to Alec. He wanted more.

Magnus firmed a fist with his hand and let out a small sigh and he sat down onto the couch and bowed his head down, his eyes burning as he continued to think about the younger male. Where did things go wrong? Magnus and Alec were happy for quite some time and even though Magnus knew that he shouldn’t put his walls down so quickly, he did it anyway. When he loved, he loved hard and with everything that he got. But that always came back and bit him in the ass. He should’ve been wiser, but when it came to love, he was still a foolish man and even after all of those years being alive, didn’t help him. Their happiness lasted for quite some time, but then the fighting started. The immortality started becoming a big obstacle and in the end, Magnus just couldn’t listen to Alec anymore. His words were hurtful, they broke his heart. He didn’t want to be faced with reality that he was going to lose Alec one day. Also, the fact that Alec was bringing up his past relationships and doubting him, wasn’t helping either. In the end, he was the one who left Alec and even though he hated himself for doing so, he knew that it was for the best. Probably.

Time passed, but the wounds haven’t healed. On the contrary, it made things worse. It killed him to see Alec in the Institute and even though he promised to help other Shadowhunters, in the end, he just couldn’t keep his promise. It hurt too much to be in contact with anyone that was one. But Shadowhunters weren’t the only people that he pushed from his life. Little by little, he started distancing himself from other people, in order to protect himself. That was the complete opposite of what he usually did after a break up, but Magnus had reached his breaking point and he came to the conclusion that it was better off with being alone. Being in contact with others, always resulted in being hurt in the end, by one way or the other.

With that on his mind, Magnus made his way to the bar and poured himself a glass of whiskey, emptying it almost immediately and then poured himself another one and another. The alcohol helped, it clouded his mind, making him unable to deal with the reality and feelings. Even though it didn’t cast all of the worries away, it still made dealing with them a bit easier. With another glass of whiskey, he returned to his couch and sat down, placing the glass on top of his leg and started turning the glass in his hands, observing the golden liquid in the glass as he sighed. He was awakened from his thinking when his phone started buzzing and he rolled his eyes, but in the end decided to check who it was. His eyes widened when he saw Alec’s name written on the screen and he nervously bit into his lower lip. Lately, Alec had been sending him text quite a lot texts, telling him that he was sorry and that they needed to talk. Alec was worried about him.

Magnus blinked a few times, but then answered the phone call. He didn’t know why he did it, but at the moment, he just wanted to hear Alec’s voice. He hadn’t spoken to him since their break up and even though he knew that it wasn’t a smart idea, he couldn’t help himself really. “Hello,” said Magnus slowly, carefully and then frowned when Alec didn’t greet him back. He straightened himself up just a little bit and then cleared his throat. He could hear breathing from the other side, it was fast, anxious, nervous and Magnus stiffened. He gripped his phone tighter and placed his drink down, feeling his heart falling to the pit of his stomach. “Alexander?” asked Magnus after a while, his voice soft as ever, full of worry. The warlock knew that Alec was listening to him, but probably too nervous to say anything to him. “Please say something,” he muttered and was surprised by how much his voice was shaking and he swallowed back the tears, his eyes burning with that usual annoying heat. “Anything.”

“Magnus,” finally spoke the voice from the other side and Magnus’ stomach made a flop, his heart breaking when he heard a sob, pressing his hand against his mouth, to even out his breathing and to prevent himself from giving into the emotions as well. “I,” started Alec, but his voice trailed off. For the next moments, neither of them spoke and Magnus waited with anticipation in his heart for Alec to say something. “How have you been?” was the question that finally came up with Alec and Magnus’ eyes widened, shaking his head in disbelief.

“I’ve been good,” started Magnus, trying to sound convincing, but his tone fell flat and he swallowed thickly when he heard a hum from the other side of the phone call. Then, Magnus’ heart suddenly darkened and he didn’t want to talk to Alec anymore; it didn’t do him any good. It just made him want to go back to what they once had, but he didn’t know if there was a possibility to go back to that. Alec was too stubborn, too stubborn to give up on the idea of them being together ‘forever’, no matter how impossible that was. Magnus didn’t want to blame Alec for their break up, so that was why it was probably for the best if they would just cut contacts and live their own lives. “Why are you calling me, Alexander?” asked Magnus, his voice much colder than he intended it to be.

“I, umm, I haven’t seen you around in a while,” stammered Alec and Magnus could tell that the other was holding back the tears, digging his fingers into the couch as he was trying to ignore that. It broke Magnus’ heart to see how much Alexander was struggling and he hated himself for it; it was his fault too, partially. “I was worried, I, uh, we need to talk,” said the younger male and Magnus let out a hitched breath at that, the wish was mutual. He was dying to see the Shadowhunter as well. “I miss you.”

“We’re talking now,” whispered Magnus and bit down onto his lower lip. “So say what’s on your mind,” he then added, trying to sound as emotionless as he possibly could, but this time, his emotions got the best of him, especially after hearing Alec say all of that.

“I-I want to… I have to apologise to you,” muttered Alec. “But not like this, not over the phone,” went on by saying the Shadowhunter. “Can I come over?” whispered Alec and just as Magnus was about to say no, the other one interrupted him. “I promise that it won’t take long. I just have to apologise for…. For everything that I said. A-after that, I’ll go and won’t bother you ever again if that’s something you wish.”

Those last words stung and Magnus took in a deep breath, reminding himself to breathe. He wanted to fight it, but what was the point? Alec was right, they needed to talk and the sooner they would, the better. “Fine,” said Magnus, his voice barely audible. “I’m home now, so you can come over.”

“Thank you,” whispered Alec and Magnus nodded, even though he was alone in the room. “I’ll be there soon then.”

“Good.”

After that, their phone call ended and Magnus buried his face into his palms, digging his fingers into his hair as he sighed and shook his head. Why did he agree to meeting Alec? He slowly stood up and stepped in front of the mirror of his bedroom, his eyes widening when he saw his own reflection. His usually spiked up and neat hair, was uncombed and messy. His face was bare of make up as well, dark circles under his eyes and even though he tried to smile, the sadness in his eyes remained. In short, he was a mess and part of him, didn’t want Alec to see him like that. For a split second, he considered dressing himself up a bit better, but in the end decided not to. What was the point of it? It would be pointless and pathetic, anyway.

In didn’t take Alec too long to reach Magnus’ place, because he wanted to be there as soon as it was possible. His life, after the breakup, was also miserable. Back then, he didn’t see what he did wrong to deserve getting dumped. But it soon hit him and for a while, he hid himself from Magnus, because he was embarrassed. He was absolutely embarrassed for how childish he was acting. He was jealous of Magnus’ past lovers, which was stupid. It made sense, Magnus had been alive for centuries, so of course he was going to have people in the past that he loved and cared about. It made sense. He hurt Magnus, without knowing it himself. He was so focused to have a relationship with Magnus that would last forever, that he completely forgotten about the present. His fixation on the future had ruined everything and he hated himself for that. Alec was ready to do everything, just to have Magnus back in his life. He loved him still, if not even more than before and he honestly didn’t know what he’d do if Magnus wouldn’t want him back. But that wasn’t something that he wanted to think of.

As soon as the Shadowhunter reached Magnus’ apartment, he wasted no time and rang the bell, the door opening on their own and the young man’s heart jumped as he slowly stepped inside, looking around, but Magnus was nowhere to be seen. As he slowly walked through the living room, Alec’s chest tightened as memories started flashing in front of his eyes and even though they were happy memories, they made it hard to breathe and he wanted to go back to that. Magnus, who was still in his bedroom, stood still when he heard the doorbell and unlocked the door with his magic, mentally preparing himself to step out of his bedroom, his heart falling to the pit of his stomach as he did so, only to find Alec quietly sobbing on his couch. Magnus opened his mouth, but nothing came out, so he closed them and sighed, slowly taking a step forward. As he did so, Alec noticed his presence and quickly got onto his legs, wiping the tears away with the sleeve of his sweater, cursing silently.

“You’re still wearing those awful sweaters, I see,” said Magnus, wanting to lighten up the mood, but his tone fell flat and he took a few hesitant steps closer to Alec, who was just silently looking at him, trying to come up with something, anything. He wanted to say how sorry he was, that he was an idiot, but nothing came out and Magnus sighed, not knowing it himself what to say or do. His eyes located his drinks and he stepped there. “Fancy a drink, darli-” he started, but bit his tongue and sighed. “Alexander?”

When Alec heard that, he almost broke down again and he looked away. He absolutely hated the way that Magnus was acting towards him, he didn’t like it when he called him Alexander. At least not in serious moments, like this one was. “No thanks,” he forced out and cleared his throat. “I’m good.”

“Yeah,” said Magnus and nodded. “I guess that now isn’t the right moment to be drinking,” he added and looked up at Alec. Magnus’ eyes narrowed when he noticed that Alec appeared to be much thinner than he last saw him. When Alec looked up, Magnus’ chest tightened, because there was a nasty scar on the Shadowhunter’s face, going from his forehead, past his eye, down to his cheek and Magnus pressed his lips together. He also noticed how tired the other looked, he was pale and his eyes were filled with hurt and sadness, just like his own. But all of that was ignored, Magnus too worried and too focused on the scar, quickly making his way to Alec and without knowing it himself, he reached up with his hand and gently held his chin, turning his head just a little bit, so that he could have a better look at it. “What happened?”

Alec’s body stiffened when Magnus suddenly touched him and he did nothing to push him away. He looked down into Magnus’ cat eyes and his heart melted, because right at that moment, Magnus was looking at him, just like he once used to. There wasn’t hate in his eyes, just pure worry and love? At least that was what Alec convinced himself to believe. “A-an accident happened when I was on a mission,” stuttered out the Shadowhunter. “I wasn’t paying attention and a demon scratched me. But it looks a lot better than it used to and-”

“Are you trying to get yourself killed?” snapped Magnus and Alec jumped. Magnus ignored the breakup for the time being and he shook his head, his fingers travelling all over Alec’s face, the younger one having a hard time with restraining himself from wrapping his arms around Magnus, kissing him softly. He was snapped back to reality when Magnus spoke again and he nervously bit down onto his lower lip. “You look so tired,” whispered Magnus, his voice small and broken. “You lost so much weight, God, Alec… why?”

“What’s the point?” whispered Alec.

“Excuse me?” asked Magnus, utterly confused.

“W-what’s the point of everything if I don’t have you? I can’t believe that I was foolish enough to let you go.” At that, Alec dropped his head down, his hair falling over his eyes and he closed them. “I’m sorry,” whispered Alec. “There aren’t enough words that would describe how sorry I am for hurting you the way I did. I said terrible things to you,” he said. “I am so ashamed and I understand if you hate me, I-”

“I don’t hate you,” said Magnus quickly, interrupting Alec. Magnus couldn’t bear it anymore, it was hard watching Alec struggling like this. He believed his words, he knew how sorry and how awful Alec must’ve felt. “I could never hate you, angel,” he then said and forced a small, sad smile. At that, Alec quickly looked up and his heart started beating faster. Without thinking twice, he leaned closer to the older one, closing his eyes slowly as his lips were almost pressed against Magnus’. The warlock, reached up and placed a finger against Alec’s lips and gently pushed him away. “No,” he mouthed, leaving Alec devastated.

It was only then that it hit Alec what he was about to do and he quickly shook his head, kicking and hitting himself mentally for being so stupid. “I’m sorry,” he quickly said and swallowed back the tears. “I didn’t mean to… I wasn’t even thinking, just now when I was about to-” he added, his voice slowly breaking. “Shit, what is wrong with me? I can’t do anything right.” He then walked to the couch and sat down, fisting his hair as he shook his head. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“You’re right, you did hurt my feelings. It wasn’t fair that you judged me like that,” whispered Magnus and slowly dragged his tongue over his lower lip as he continued to think about everything. It hurt that they’ve argued about Magnus’ past and the mortality thing, but the warlock was now more hopeful, that all of that was just an obstacle that they would be able to overcome together and move forward. There was no point in denying it; he was prepared to forgive Alec for his actions and words, everyone deserved a second chance. And just seeing how much regret Alec had, broke the warlock’s heart, wanting to see that usual smile brightening the Shadowhunter’s face. “But I do forgive you, so stop blaming yourself so much.”

Magnus’ words made Alec look up and he choked up when he heard that, knowing that he didn’t deserve that; he didn’t deserve Magnus’ forgiveness. “W-what?” asked Alec with a small voice.

“I mean it, everyone deserves a second chance,” said Magnus with a small voice and walked to the other one, kneeling down in front of Alec and gently placed his hand on top of Alec’s leg, giving it a gentle squeeze and finally a real, not forced smile brightened Magnus’ face. “It’s killing me to see you like this. I know how much you regret it. Also, I know that you meant no harm. This immortality thing is a lot to handle, so of course one might do something-”

“Don’t,” said Alec quickly, interrupting Magnus and then looked down into those cat eyes. “I don’t care for that anymore. I’ve learned to accept the fact that eventually I will have to leave you and you will have to move on, find new love,” whispered Alec, his voice shuddering just a little bit. “T-this is why I don’t want to be parted from you again. It took me a while to understand that and I don’t want to waste any more time with fighting with you. I took you and everything we’ve had for granted before, but not anymore.”

“Alec,” whispered the warlock and sighed. Magnus’ heart shook when he heard that and he slowly nodded, biting into his lower lip when he heard Alec say that. His smile widened just a little bit and he was beyond happy that Alec finally understood. Just like him, he wanted to live for the moment, not for the future. It was pointless to dwell about what might or might not happen. No one was able to predict the future, so it was important to live for the present moment.

“Magnus,” said Alec and Magnus looked up into those beautiful eyes again, frowning. Alec still looked nervous about something and Magnus placed his hand over Alec’s, reassuring him that everything was okay. “Do you… do you still love me?” was Alec’s quiet question, which shook Magnus right to the core.

Such a simple, innocent question made the older one tear up, the nervous gaze in the younger male’s eyes, bringing out a bright smile on Magnus’ face. Of course he still loved him. Instead of giving him a verbal answer, Magus lifted himself up on his knees a bit, so that he brought his face closer to Magnus and gently brushed his lips against the Shadowhunter’s. It wasn’t even a proper kiss, just a simple, innocent touch of their lips and just that was enough to bring out tears of relief from Alec. When Magnus kissed him again, Alec gripped the fabric of Magnus’ shirt softly, pulling him closer, clinging desperately onto him as they shared another kiss.

“Of course I still love you,” said Magnus and smiled through his tears as Alec was too speechless to say anything. He pulled Magnus into another kiss and the warlock went along with it, straddling Alec’s legs, breaking the kiss just for a split second and then crushed their lips together. “I never stopped and never will stop loving you,” he then added and smiled as Alec pressed their lips together once again, the smile gone when he felt wetness on his cheek, realising that Alec was crying again. “Shh, angel, don’t cry, please,” whispered Magnus, kissing the tears away, Alec shuddering at the sensation. Magnus had seen Alec cry before a few times, but never like this.

“I’ve missed you so much,” said Alec once he calmed down a bit. “I love you too, so much.”

A faint smile reappeared on Magnus’ face as he stared down into Alec’s eyes and he brought his fingers up, wiping the remaining tears away. Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus’ body and pulled him closer, burying his face into the warlock’s chest, finally feeling at peace. The last few months were hell for both, but now that they finally worked things out, both of them felt at peace. The fight and the breakup was horrible, but it was much needed and healthy for them. They needed to have that falling out in order to move forward. Also, they still needed to have a more proper talk about the immortality thing and the future if they wanted the relationship to move forward, but at that exact moment it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that they were together, wrapped into a tight and warm embrace.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I intended this to be a lot more angsty and shit, but then it turned out into a kind of angsty-fluff... I guess?  
> Either way, I hope you liked it. :D


End file.
